Great marital sex

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Is sex really that critical to a healthy marriage? Here's why I ask. I'm having a disagreement with my spouse.

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Sex is one of the most powerful gifts God ever created. It was designed to bring a man and woman together in a physical, emotional and spiritual bond that would create, pleasure, intimacy and also procreation. Marriages that neglect or misuse this gift are headed for frustration and maybe even divorce.

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When Martin Abzug, husband of the late congresswoman Bella Abzug, appeared on a morning talk show years ago, he was asked what accounted for the success of their long marriage. Without missing a beat, he said, "Great sex. The line got a huge laugh, partly, no doubt, because Bella—known for her big hats, commanding size, and bellicose voice—would never have passed for a sex kitten, and partly because, at the same time, she and Martin were in their sixties.

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Sex does not have to get boring in a long-term marriage. As the years go by, your intimate relationship should get better. Sex with your partner can become more satisfying because you know each other's likes, dislikes, habits, and preferences.

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Raise your hand if you've been divorced or know of someone who has been divorced? I'm raising my hand now as a divorcee myself, who has since re-married. That should cover the majority of us.

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Is a sexless marriage or sexless relationship inevitable? Sort of? It all depends.

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These are just a few examples of handwringing in the popular press about why women, and to a lesser extent men, are choosing divorce over what seem to be perfectly good marriages. Nowadays, women leave perfectly kind, helpful husbands for reasons that seem mysterious. There are many theories floating around about why greater gender equality has not put an end to divorce in America.

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I am a private person when it comes to sex, but I am so tired of that old joke that I want to stand up and say, no, married sex is mind-blowingly good. After 40 years of sex with one person, neither of us young anymore and certainly not so beautiful, I feel somewhat qualified to offer this small easy-to-put-on-the-fridge guide to brilliant sex in a long marriage. Good sex needs both tension and trust; the trust comes from treating each other as the best person in the whole world.

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We get happy. We get horny. Unfortunately, all that is new eventually becomes not new.

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By Tina Tessina for Divorce While sometimes, in case of illness or injury, a complete sexual experience is not possible in marriage, it is always best to have whatever sexual experience is available to the couple. Marriage without sex is wide-open to temptation. Sooner or later, temptation will arise, either from a partner's co-worker, another member of the church choir this happens a lot or a neighbor.


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